Texas Drifter: Valentine Love Story
Marshall’s Law Dateline – Sometimes Texas Drifter needs to take a mental vacation from his less than cheerful writing exercises. How, by reciting in randomly arranged words uplifting non-fiction love stories based on real world events.
Title: Texas Drifter Valentine Love Story
Scenes: Ranch and Bad Guy’s Brother’s Grave
Players:
Tragic Hero According to Poetics of Aristotle? – Bram (B)
Wife – Laila
Real Estate Agent – Miss Laila (ML) (pronounced lay-la and means perspicuous “night beauty”)
Ranger (R)
Deputy
Equipment operator
Bad Guy – He / Him
Bad Guy 2 – Rat Boy
Extras as needed
Introduction:
Bram carrying eighteen mixed perfect red and yellow roses entered into what Barksdale, Texans described as most spacious, immaculate antique filled western style home this side of Rocksprings.
Neighbors whispered that Bram made his “small fortune” managing capital murder investigations for Texas’ wealthiest Republican carpetbaggers. It was also rumored that Bram doubled his fees for wealthy liberal Democrats; who locals said he detested.
Bram silently meandered through the mansion he built for his first love Laila, so he could surprise her, with the first of her many pre-Valentine Day gifts. For some reason the home about to become a house seemed eerily quite. As Bram passed the custom made Ebony front door, he noticed a note tacked just above the gold plated door handle.
As Bram reached for the note, he dropped the eighteen mixed perfect red and yellow roses to the mesquite floor. Bram read: Dear Bramster (Laila knew he hated that name), I will come back for my things. No more hugs and kisses for you. Your no more loving for you wife. Laila (the note had several small hearts draw randomly on the note)
Thought as he put Laila’s last love note in his pocket; should have drowned both Laila and the pool boy.
Bram then walked to the wall safe took out ten thousand dollars in fifty dollar bills, grabbed largest bottle of “El Patron” tequila he could find; grabbed a small table and chair then headed out the front door.
Act I. (Same Day):
(B) Calls equipment operator offers 10K to finish job before sunrise and pick up burn permit on way out.
(B) Sets “El Patron” bottle on table sets in chair pours teas glass full and waits for equipment operator to arrive.
(B) Instructions to equipment operator: Use your dozer to knock that house down; then push it into burn pile; then push up a fire lane around the trash pile. You brought the burn permit, right? Equipment operator sheepishly nods. To which Bram simply responds good.
Equipment operator reluctantly asks: Sir you sure you want me to do this Sir?
(B) Job pays 10K if you are through by five this afternoon, do you want the job or not?
Equipment Operator: Sir you are the boss.
(B) Sets and drinks and watches equipment operator do his work
(B) Pays equipment operator; tells him to come back in week and pick up burned trash pile; smooth out ground suitable for planting grass; and close gate when leaving.
(B) Pours diesel fuel on edge of trash pile; the uses last love note to set fire; goes back sets down and continues drinking;
Ranger, Deputy, and two volunteer fire trucks arrive
(B) Shows burn permit and asks them to close gate when leaving.
(R) Ask Bram: Are You Drunk?
(B) Drunk yes, not a drunk.
(R) Asks Bram to surrender his favorite 40 cal. Cougar and firmly says: It’s not safe to let drunks have guns.
(B) I am getting drunk; I am not a drunk.
(B) Continues drinking and watching fire until passing out and falls out of chair.
Next Morning:
(Long legged lady gets out of car, walks over picks up bucket full of water and pours about half of dirty water on Bram’s head.)
(B) Laying in dirt turned into mud half opens eyes and sees ankles as he starts to gaze up, he sees legs, more legs and still more legs followed by barely muttering: Who are you, and why are you annoying me?
Laila: Laila
(B) Laila is not a good name for me right now; so try another name.
(L) Who cares what a drunk thinks? I am a real estate agent, and I want to buy what’s left of your ranch.
(B) Ranch is not for sale especially to anyone with same first name as my x-wife.
(L) Dumps rest of water on Bram’s head: Fair enough, you can call me Miss Laila.
(B What is with you and the water?
(ML) Remind you I will keep coming back until you sober up enough to sell me your ranch. Then ML turns and heads back to her car.
(B) I am drunk not a drunk – close the gate witch.
(ML) Without thinking turns picks up water bucket and throws it as hard as she can glancing off Bram’s left cheek right below his now swelling eye.
(B) I said witch.
(ML) That is not what you were thinking – “Do not ever, even think that about me” and turns to walk away.
As Laila is about to get in her car - Bram says I bet your husband left you for the pool boy.
(LM) Never looking back waves; says I heard that; try to sober up you old drunk; gets in her car and leaves.
(B) As Laila is down the road a ways, Bram yells; I said pool boy not pool girl; and whispers witch – then hears Laila’ car horn; and says scary, that is just scary. Bram takes another drink and falls back to Laila’s water bucket mud pit.
Act II (Next Day)
Early next morning before sunrise Bram feels hot nasty breath on his now dirt covered bloody swollen eye. As he gradually squints open his remaining good eye, he sees fangs and more fangs as coyote is inches from his face growling – Bram instinctive screams like wounded animal; coyote yelps and disappears back into shadows.
(B) His only thinking out loud reaction: I need to start passing out inside.
(B) Bram manages to struggle to his feet and stagger over to canopy under his old “Free Spirit” fifth wheel and halfway collapse into old recliner.
Shortly after late mid afternoon, Bram hears vehicle pull in; with out looking he mumbles good sheriff is bring me my pistol back.
Out of no where comes buck of ice water – Bram hears (ML) I brought my own ice water; ready to sell me your ranch yet? – Man you stink.
Before Bram could answer, he heard another vehicle approaching, and muttered to Miss Laila what did you do bring a water brigade?
(ML) No it looks like Ranger.
Ranger steps out of his truck: Brought you your pistol; what happened to your eye?
(B) Fell on a bucket.
(R) Typical drunk answer – man you stink worse than most drunks I ever met; and that says something.
(B) I am still kind of drunk not a drunk – never mind.
(R) I brought your favorite 40 cal. Cougar back; before you ask; He’s back.
(B) What do you mean, He got five consecutive life terms without parole.
(R) He found a Democrat civil rights lawyer who said jury instructions were not correct; then a Democrat Judge to release him on 50K bond until his retrial.
(B) I despise liberal Democrats.
(R) Remember what his last words were at sentencing?
(B) Yes he said he would come back and kill the DA and me – maybe he forgot?
(R) Look at this (Ranger hands Bram a photo) Miss Laila glances at photo then steps away to throw up.
(B) Asks: Who was that?
(R): DA, we also found this note nailed to DA’s body.
Bram looks at note and reads: I saved the worst for last.
(B): He won’t come on my ranch he knows I will kill him.
(R) Don’t be too sure, word is getting round that you are a drunk; He might change his mind.
(R) Continuing: Suggest you sober up for a while; also here is a phone “hit send” if he calls you out.
Ranger knocks bottle of table which breaks as it hits ground: You do not need to thank me.
(B) For what?
(R) Accidently breaking that bottle might have just saved your life. Ranger turns and, quips “Get a bath you smell too bad to bury”; then gets back in his truck and starts to pull out to leave
Miss Laila starts writing a check.
(B) Said I am not selling ranch.
(ML) It is “get away” money so that crazy won’t find you.
(B) Forget it, I never ran away from anything in my life.
(B) Are you that much of a drunk that you are too stupid to help? You bulldoze then burn the most beautiful home most people have never seen because some woman left you; so you can become a drunk – you are too stupid to help – stay and let that psycho kill you so - he will be doing you a favor by putting you out of your misery. I am out of here – close your own gate. Miss Laila almost runs to car and leaves as fast as she can.
Bram falls back into recliner and lays his favorite 40 cal. Cougar by his side then nods off.
Right at sundown Bram hears: You dead or drunk? Hey, you dead or drunk?
Bram opens his good eye to see local petty criminal known as Rat Boy holding a white flag.
(B) What do you want Rat Boy?
Rat Boy: He, I mean we have your lady friend.
(B) What lady friend?
Rat Boy: The one in the blue car; we grabbed her while she was closing your gate.
(B) Mutters to himself: Of all the days for Miss Laila to close the gate.
(B) How do I know you really have her?
Rat Boy: Don’t shoot I will throw you her wallet (as he throws her wallet which lands near recliner)
Rat Boy: He said be at his brother’s grave about THIRTY minutes after sunrise; don’t’ show up or don’t come alone; He said he will make your lady friend look worse than the DA.
(B) Tell Him I will be there alone. Also tell him that if he hurts her; I will kill him, his daughters, his mother, his sister, and ever member of his family – that goes for you and yours if either of you hurt her. Now go deliver my message.
Bram thought better start with Louisiana strong coffee; followed by light sleep so I won’t be late.
Act III (Following Day)
About 5:30 AM Bram hears coyote near by howling, as if to wake him up.
(B) Response, Thanks coyote.
Bram forces himself to finish half pot of now cold Louisiana strong coffee. Checks his favorite double action 40 cal. Cougar; then stops by table picks up phone – leaves message for Ranger: He has real estate lady; Rat boy said if I do not show up or come alone He will hurt her worse than DA. Said to be at his Brother’s grave FORTY minutes after sunrise; would have called you sooner; guess this old drunk forgot; stay out of sight if you show up - thanks.
Strolling towards his only remaining transportation a rusty but dependable Ford 150. While strolling to the truck; and never breaking stride he draws his weapon and fires threes time at prickly pear “tunas”. He stopped took a double take; missed one; I must be a drunk.
Bram then drove to the sindera which lead to the clearing of the brother’s grave. He removed and re-checked his weapon before creeping to within about ten feet of the clearing with the grave; where he saw real estate lady standing next to evil he should have killed years before; did not see Rat Boy, then yelled I’m here.
Bad Guy: Come on out we’ve been waiting.
(B) Not till I see Rat Boy – he’s known to back shoot.
(He) Waves, Rat Boy steps out with shotgun about twenty feet to right of grave.
(B) I ‘m coming out.
Bad Guy: You alone?
(B) Don’t need help to kill you.
Bram slowly exits brush takes about five steps then without breaking stride shoots Rat Boy twice in forehead.
Bad Guy: Why did you shoot Rat Boy?
(B) Just evening the odds, nice of you to make it easier to bury you where I killed your brother.
Bad Guy: You shot him in the back.
(B): Just evened the odds; you got no complaints, you asked your brother to back shoot me; asked real estate agent – “He hurt you?”
(ML) No
Bad Guy: Drop your gun or I will kill your lady friend.
(B) You have two choices hurt her; I will kill you, kill your daughters, kill your mother, your sister, the rest of your family and most of your friends.
(B) Second choice, let her go – try me straight up – you win you keep her and your family lives
(B) That is not likely as you are too much of a mama’s wussy boy to not hide behind some woman’s dress?
(He) Yelled, “I ain't no mama’s wussy boy”; as he slung Laila to one side Bram fired striking ball joint in His right shoulder, which staggered but did not knock him down.
(B) Pick up your pistol.
Bad Guy: I can’t reach it.
To Which Bram fired striking him above right knee; putting him on ground
(B) Now you can; reach for it.
Ranger intervenes: “That’s enough!” Would have been here sooner; someone left wrong appointment time.
(B) Self defense is not your business.
(R) First two shots were self defense; what you are doing now is playing, not self defense.
(B) Are you going to shoot me to protect him?
(R) No, you shoot him; you will spend rest of your life behind bars.
(B) Fires one more shot close to His face; says day you walk out of prison I will be waiting for you in shadows. (Hands Ranger his D.A. 40 cal. Cougar) says I want it back no rust.
(ML) Blurts out: Keep it.
(B) It is a new weapon.
(ML) Your choice, me or your gun?
(B) I’ll get another one.
(ML) We will talk about that.
(B) Deputy, let public record show I voluntarily gave my favorite 40 cal. to Ranger as a gift.
Deputy: nods yes.
ML gently touches Bram’s swollen left eye, Hurt?
(B) Yes
Laila then unexpectedly backhands right side of Bram's face: You have no right to give me to anyone, especially win or lose; don’t forget it. (Turns to Ranger) Can I take him back to the ranch, to try and get that smell off of him?
(R) Guess I could leave him in your custody until Grand Jury finishes their investigation.
(B) She’s scary I don’t want to be in her custody.
(R) Your choice, take him to jail Deputy.
(B) How long?
(R) Five, six, seven, eight months; depends on how long it takes to finish my investigation.
Deputy suddenly points and fires Bram's favorite 40 cal. twice: He went for his gun.
(R) Good job; that might knock off a month on my investigation for Grand Jury.
(B) Guess I will go with her.
(R) Never forget, “Law” in this part of Texas does not take kindly to men disrespecting good women – I always wanted to say that.
(ML) Go get in your truck; the back not the cab you smell too bad to ride up front with me.
(B) I’m not riding in back of my own truck.
(R) Remember, always “with respect”; turns to Laila, you know Madam, I just might stop by now and then to make sure he is not disrespecting you.
(ML) walks over to truck, and asks: Would you have killed his daughter, mother, sister, and family?
(B) What matters is that He thought I would.
Outro:
Ranger drops by new ranch fifth wheel, few days later; how he’s doing?
(ML) Like a caged animal.
(R) Kept your favorite 40 cal. Cougar, you said it was a gift; Grand Jury "no billed" you. Some of local agencies need a field instructor to ride “shotgun” with their rookies.
(ML) looks at Bram, Hear that; you interested?
(B) How many days week?
(R) No more than three.
Bram looks at Laila
(ML) response, “Go on”
Bram gives her kiss on cheek, whispers “Thanks; here”
Laila what’s this – tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day gift; it’s the deed to your ranch; just because I couldn’t go to town did not mean I could not use telephone.
Liala to Ranger – Take care of him …
BREAKING NEWS ...
BREAKING NEWS – Valentine Day Fatal Attack - Local rancher Bram was viciously attacked and killed by a fez of vampire armadillos. Local authorities have projected that 15-20 vampire armadillos rolled up into “Armadillo Balls” then simultaneously rolled down a steep hill; then sprung out covering Bram as fez of vampire armadillos reached bottom of hill. Local authorities are also warning they have no clues as when or where the fez of vampire armadillos will strike next.
Reader beware, those descending foot steps you might start hearing could easily be vampire armadillos making you their next target. Boo! Happy Valentines Day
Editor’s Notes: First, Texas Drifter being an older man who self admittedly suffers from part time dementia sometimes gets his holiday themes mixed up. Second, group of Pink Fairy Armadillos (Chlamyphorus truncatus) native to South America is called fez.
Third, some researchers suggest that the vampire bat (Desmodus rotundus) of South America might have infected a Pink Fairy Armadillo which was illegally imported into America and eventually interbred with Texas Nine-Banded Armadillo (Dasypus novemcinctus) which created vampire bats described in Texas Drifter’s Valentine Love Story.
Have A Happy Valentine's Day - Texas Drifter
